Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
