I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
porn star boner night. come get it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
