Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
