She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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