the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
