i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
