dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
