I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
