I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my sisters under your porch take her home
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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