Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
