i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
