2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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