i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
