Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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