He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My pussy is not your playground.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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