Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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