What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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