Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
