I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I am one with the molecules
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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