I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
