I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
