There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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