And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
