We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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