I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
