I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
