Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
