I am puke
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
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Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
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Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
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