I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
