i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the day after is always just damage control
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
