She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
