talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
