im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
