omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
