I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
