Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
