onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
