Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Come share oat with me in your robe
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
