the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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