she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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