I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Michael Bay diarrhea
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
