It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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