So drunk, too bad you don't want this
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
