omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
