Already got asked if we're dating
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
