did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
