nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
