I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
