I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
