Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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