I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is dick and wine.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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