I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
