oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
