i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
