I want to walk on stilts...naked
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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