bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
