Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
