maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
