There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
