When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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