She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
