Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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