Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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