Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
