whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
