why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
