wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
