If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Randomize
