Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
